Canada One-Shitty: Blog Announcements

Hey all! Canada has blighted the world for 150 years, and boy if we aren’t going to celebrate here on Shit About Canada!

I’ve got some ideas for how to approach the next few posts. Looking into the disconnect between the mythologized entry of British Columbia into the union was a small part of the intended argument in post #195. It kind of disrupted the flow of the arc I was working with, if I’m being honest, but the guy was too weird to not frame the post on. And his fuckery stuck with me, which is why 196 isn’t out yet.

As a side note, I’m up to post 34 as regards the enormous editing/citation project that I’ve been working on with old posts. Go check those out too – I’m pretty happy with the changes I’ve made, especially since those changes are largely centered around providing better and more nuanced information. My earliest postings were written largely by anger, which I think was a mistake, and I’ve since overhauled several of them to reflect on specific instances of failure in Canada rather than my own frustration with the place.

I started doing some homework on the rest of the misunderstood, often forgotten Fathers of Confederation (so-called because Canada needs a daddy-polity because America has one, I guess). Lemme just say that these people are absolutely bonkers. And then it dawned on me that a congress of chimpanzees like the lunatic lot of morons conspiring Canada into existence could only really create unspeakable horror. Maybe attacking province by province isn’t as effective as telling the story of the festering foundation of Canada. It seems more fitting for 150, but interrupting an existing train of thought seems wrong.

So I turn it to you, audience. Here’s the current path to 200:

  • 196 – the GTA is an abomination that should be launched into the sun
  • 197 – Southwestern Ontario has suffered from decades of neglect
  • 198 – Quebec has no business being a part of Canada
  • 199 – Failure – the ties that bind the provinces
  • 200 – Canada 150 is an inherently dishonest concept that cannot exist, because the real Canada is only understandable as a collective of mismanaged parts infected with an ersatz identity and stripped of their own (if they ever had one)

And the possible redirection:

  • 196 – Nova Scotia and New Brunswick also had second thoughts about Canada (talking about representatives from those two hellholes)
  • 197  – There was no popular movement for Canada to exist as a country, and that’s fucked up (talking about Ontario’s weirder representatives)
  • 198 – The Quebecois (and other Francophones) and the Indigenous are the only people with a legitimate national identity, and both had their national expression quashed (discussing how Quebecois and Indigenous with alternative voices have been crushed)
  • 199 – Could we really expect a bunch of worthless old-timey cakers to treat either of Canada’s major cultured groups with decency? (spoilers – no)
  • 200 – Canada 150 is an inherently dishonest concept that cannot exist, because the real Canada is only understandable as a collective of mismanaged parts infected with an ersatz identity and stripped of their own (if they ever had one)

I’m working on drafts of both versions of 196 – if I do drop the provincial thread I fully intend to pick it back up – but I’m on the fence about which route I should take here. Thoughts?

We Now Return to Shit (About Canada)

You morons.

You fell for it.

You elected a child. You chose poorly. See, here’s the thing – voting Red Guy doesn’t fix your looming disaster. Your cities are littered with depth charges. Your territorial claims are littered with starvation and ruin. Your Mr. Grey in his Red Satin Fuckroom beckoned you back, and you obeyed. You agreed to a sensual, flashy sexual pounding by the sweating, putrid cocks of Canada’s business class. As we speak Canada bends over for another round willingly, joyously. You fucking cowards accepted a new collar without a second thought.

And it’s held by a child at the other end. Said child and his grotesque political machine, the monstrous abomination whose only difference from the legendary Tammany Hall is that the Liberals don’t bother giving you a turkey before destroying your life with patronage, are your chosen moderators for the next four years. Four years in which houses that are 33% overvalued in some places have to experience correction, in which Canada is caught in a fiscal debt-vice wherein the country can neither raise interest rates nor tolerate any hike to unemployment because consumer debt towers over yearly GDP. You chose the child to govern you through a minefield.

Right. And that’s why this fucker is coming back. Cataloging failure was a project of interest and disgust before, like digging through a molding pumpkin. I lived through and saw the first batch of Liberal corruption under Martin and Cretin; now you’ve asked me to replay those tapes but with a knuckle-dragger doing the Canada-dance. You’re asking me to watch Justin “stand up to” Putin in a move that I assume will see Trudeau crumble to dust under the glare of a Slav who has no problem being upfront and murdering his opponents instead of sissy-slap fights over who loves Canada more.

Think about that, Canada. You’ve asked me to enjoy watching this fuck-up fuck up again. You want me to clap for more mystery slush money, more nondescript growth, more toxic Laurentide egoism – but this time performed by a clown? Fuck you, Canada. I’ll do it, but I’ll do it for the wrong reasons. Education is a form of spite; what was once genuine inquiry and revulsion with what lay under the mossy Canadian rock has in this moment become something more. You miserable colonial twats crossed a retard Rubicon. Clearly, you need more information about this Belarus-gone-Bust.

What you need is this friendly list of reasons why Canada is full of shit. One of my good friends teaches with spite apparent, and it’s amazing to watch caker slime deal with the David Price fastball approach to Canadian revisionism. By deal with, I of course mean cry and whimper. This thing has a surprising number of viewers, and I’m fielding inquiries about what’s going on like I have some sort of training in this field or something. By myself I can’t affect change in Canada – but I can sure as shit log her failures for someone else to discover.

Welcome back, friends, to the new and improved gloves-off Shit About Canada. With a child in charge, I have enough content for miserable years to come. Welcome back to the nasty carnival of shittery that is Canada. Watching a country’s collapse into anocracy is going to be fun.