#192 – the Wreck of the HMS Nova Scotia

On the face of it Nova Scotia is in a better spot than the rest of Atlantic Canada. First, it has a (relatively) sizeable city in Halifax that hasn’t been rendered carcinogenic by the Irvings. Second, Nova Scotia is exporting cakers at lightning speed – in 2013 it and Newfoundland had the dubious honors of being the only provinces where the death rate exceeded the birth rate and where emigration outpaced immigration. Fewer cakers and not being poisoned to death by a soulless caker business? If you can get past the totally absurd condo bubble the place might be inhabitable!

(S) Though this headline caught Halifax at its best

But that assessment must be tempered by the fact that Atlantic Canada isn’t worth anything, because Atlantic Canada is a failed shitstain on the face of a failed country. We’ll start with the basics – Nova Scotia is fucking broke and what money it does have it doesn’t know how to spend. The province can’t even afford to provide that substandard healthcare cakers love to brag about without federal transfer payments. The province pays out $870M a year in interest payments on its debt; what money it does have it spends on cozy deals for ferry services that leave people stranded for days in the winter because the Coast Guard sucks ass and can’t do its job. Oh, and if you complain about said cozy deal you’re “bad for business“, which is something only a caker business would whinge about. Because why should government care about providing meaningful services for its people with the resources it has when it can support caker business because reasons?

The population of the province is struggling with an above-average rate of bankruptcy, which may have something to do with $200 monthly bills for fucking heating oil. On Cape Breton, 32% of children are living below the poverty line. I can’t express to you enough how pitiful a province we’re talking about here. Like most of Canada this shithole can’t feed itself because of high prices and terrible work prospects, and it’s got the same bizarre affinity for enforcing car dependency on its population by way of terrible transit services. There’s literally nothing in this waste heap that isn’t trying to savage your fiscal – or for that matter actual – health.

This is the part where I talk about substandard healthcare. And oh boy, do I have a story for you. Enter Victoria General Hospital, a shoddy abomination that manages to make one of Medicine sans Frontiere’s emergency clinics look like a top-of-the-line facility. Say what you will about primitive medical facilities – at least the person getting operated on a tent doesn’t have to worry about Legionnaire’s Disease laying unresolved in the OR for 27 fucking years and counting. The water at Victoria General isn’t even potable, which is kind of a fucking problem in a hospital. I’d rather risk having open-heart surgery on a table at McDonald’s. I’d almost rather experience healthcare in northern Canada than risk Halifax’s Victoria General. When Pravda is telling you that the place is a disaster, the place is a fucking disaster. And if that sounds like enough to drive you crazy, I’ve got some more bad news – the mental healthcare system is as failure-ridden as the physical one.

(S) Nurse Googly-Eyed Hamburger, get me 3cc of ketchup stat!

And that’s Nova Sovietska, a province that is desperate for your tourism dollars and equally desperate that you won’t look at it too hard and see the staggering consequences of rancid, constant caker failure. A province practically owned and operated by the Irvings and the Canadian Navy isn’t going to be much to write home about in the best of times; add to that a culture of chronic desperation and want and an economy whose failure nearly 30 years ago remains unaddressed and disregarded and you have a recipe for the kind of disaster that only Canada can pretend is something to celebrate.

Reviewing Canada’s provinces is yet more evidence that the worst thing that happened to this podunk pile of shit was when it started pretending to be a country instead of a repository for unbridled horror and unrepentant idiocy.

9 thoughts on “#192 – the Wreck of the HMS Nova Scotia”

  1. Newfoundland and The Mount Castle Disaster coming to a movie theater near you. This is a story about the government of Newfou dland and The Catholic Church tried to keep quite. When a convent for nuns find that over 168 children born out of wedlock by the sister of goodhope killed and baried there children i n the basement of tbe school.


  2. You forgot to mention how many alcoholics there are, like 4 out of 10 people. I live there and trust me it’s not far off


    1. I really need to edit my old post on Canada’s unhealthy obsession with alcohol and consequent alcoholism. Thanks for the reminder and for the testimony!


  3. Holy crap I could not agree more. I lived there for 5 years and I fucking hated it! The roads are beaten up beyond belief, no money is put into fixing them, and it’s even worse in the winter as the public works department could not be bothered to care about the safety of other road users. Roads are covered in snow, and when I say covered, I mean you literally can’t see the pavement, the snow is just compressed over top of it! And the people- they think their derelict shithole is the best thing since sliced bread. Not to mention that they hate people from other provinces. They think they are better than everyone else, then they wonder why nobody wants to live there. I moved back to Ontario last year, and it is so much better than Shitta Scotia, I promise! In Ontario, you have can visit cities like Toronto and Ottawa, and you also have other smaller cities to visit, such as Kingston, a city located on Lake Ontario, it is relatively close to New York state.


    1. Okay, I don’t know how bad everything is throughout the whole province, but seriously, the western half of the Annapolis valley, and Middleton, the town I lived in are the trashiest places I have seen so far. Many people drink heavily, use drugs and smoke heavily, are on welfare, and a lot of them have their first kid at 17 or 18. And their kids sometimes continue the cycle. It’s insane! So what do the young people with drive and ambition do? They get the fuck out!

      On another note, I read your post titled “The Boreal Failure” and I take back my statement about Ontario. It sucks there too.


  4. thanks a lot for all of this man finally somebody feels the way I do. I’m sure many people feel like this but many people in this country tend to hide and not speak up.

    I was born in the soviet union and although as terrible as it was; I feel like I have to telling you something…during the soviet times Kazakhstan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Russia itself, Moldova, and all the other stans were thriving during this era. It was Ukraine and the Baltic states that did not like it. But, actually, the Soviet Union was considered as a prosperous time.


  5. Wow. This was wrote a while ago and absolutely nothing has changed. Infact Nova Scotia has got worse! It has gone further down the shit pipe than already was thanks to inept government and greedy corperates. Its an awful place. Never ever come to live here.


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