#189 – Fuck Manitoba

You know your province sucks when your major city is used for a throwaway joke on an episode of the Simpsons:

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(S) A major newspaper printed this article. Read it and cringe.
Winnipeg gets another reference in the show, this time as a threat to keep children in line. To be honest I’d be a little concerned by the threat of being sent to Winnipeg. One reason? An underclass of segregated, impoverished Indigneous people. Shockingly, the great Canadian air hasn’t magically given desperate people with nothing to do a sudden impulse to garden and sing O Canada into the sunrise – gangs run rampant. 10% of the population don’t know where their next meal is coming from. There’s a housing bubble there too, because why not fuck up some more. The people have spoken about public transit being akin to Satan’s puckered asshole have some evidence to their claim. Like how they deferred maintenance for so long that they had to cut services suddenly. Here’s a lady saying that she literally might as well have walked.

Sound like shit? Well, it’s all downhill from there folks! Yes, Manitoba’s best offering is a sloppy slapping of shit on a plate, a place that Canada would almost rather forget was there. This may be because it used to be an important rail hub for extractive industry until those industries inevitably buckled or moved. Shockingly there were no plans for Winnipeg after that, and man does it show. Remember how I said that Canada throws places away after they’ve served their purpose? This is probably the biggest instance of that – a whole province tossed away.

How bad is it? Well, faith in Winnipeg outside of Winnipeg is so high that municipalities are trying to take the construction of vital services into their own hands. The wait-times in Manitoba’s hospitals were the dubious winners of the Longest Wait Time Award for 2015. Provincial transit infrastructure is so poor that paramedics can’t do their jobs. Manitoba scored a bitchin’ D on Canada’s education report card. I’d like to especially point at this chart:

pepc0ky
Translation: onlly loosers wory bout skool!

Before we move on to the ultimate expression of Manitoba misery let’s take a moment to talk about CFB Shilo. One of the largest caker-bases in the country, Shilo has an engrained culture of racism so powerful that it broke the spirit of an Inuk woman who tragically believed in the velvet lies of the Canadian state. And don’t worry – mental health on base is as good as you’d expect. This is a pervasive problem in Manitoba’s small towns. Here’s a lady alleging that racism ran her and her business out of town. And it just wouldn’t be extra-tolerant tee-hee Canada without gay people having every chance to also get run out of town by bigots!

The Canadian military certainly has its problems, but Manitoba takes even that misery and cranks it up like a mad scientist. When the mad province cranks the vile dial as far as it’ll go the ultimate manifestation of misery is born. Enter Manitoba’s Indigenous Reserves, stage left. Manitoba’s reserves are, to be simple about it, the worst in the country. Housing is failing, poverty is rampant, 76% of children on reserves are impoverished, and desperation is the norm – often to tragic result that police can’t be bothered to follow up on. Relations are further strained between Manitoba and the Indigenous because – suprise! – Manitoba may have reneged on its treaty obligations. And I suspect the pollution and contamination doesn’t help relations much either.

And that’s Manitoba – a boring hellhole managing a range of boring, reactionary towns and housing some of the most shameful conditions in Canada. A province built on the bilingual lie which pushed the French away and helped to create the schism between French and English that serves as just one more crack in the caker facade of unity. I thought P.E.I. would be a hard province to top in terms of shittiness. Boy, was I wrong.

3 thoughts on “#189 – Fuck Manitoba”

  1. WINNIPEG IS A PRICE OF SHIT INHABITED BY A BUNCH OF BROKE IGNORANT MENTAL DUMB FUCKERS . ROADS ALL ALL FUCKED UP AND SO SHOT TO SHIT U CANT EVEN DRIVE ON THEM BETTER OFF DRIVING IN THE FIELD OR DITCH NEXT TO THE ROAD . CONSTRUCTION ALWAYS TAKES 30 YEARS TOO COMPLETE AND THEN IT’S STILL FUCKED RIGHT UP ROYALLY BECAUSE THE ENGINEERS R ALL ON MAJOR DRUGS AND HIGH AS A KITE . NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT LOSERPEG AND CITY HALL AND MANITOBA GOVERNMENT IS JUST OUT TOO SCREW EVERYONE INCLUDING THE VERY YOUNG CHILDREN AND OUT TOO ROYALLY SHAFT ANY AND ALL SENIOR CITIZENS ON A LIMITED FIXED INCOME . NO MATTER MONEY HUNGRY CORRUPT EVIL SELF CENTERED SELF SERVING BASTARDS STEAL FROM THE POOR AND THE STARVING AND GIVE TOO THE RICH WHICH IS THEMSELVES IN THE POSITIONS OF SCAMMING HIGHLY OVERPAID AND CORRUPT MANIPULATED LOSER SCAMMER GOVERNMENT PHONEY JOBS . MANITOBA IS THE ROYAL TIOLET OF ALL TIOLETS . THE ROYAL SHITTER OF ALL PEICES OF SHIT . THIS PLACE MANITOBA IS THE SUICIDE CAPITAL AND PROVINCE OF THE WHOLE ENTIRE PLANET AND UNIVERSE . HERE THEY ATTEMPT TOO COVER UP AND BURY ALL THE LEAKING BARRELS OF PLUTONIUM AND RADIOACTIVE LEAKING WASTE AT THE MOSTLY ABANDONED FAILED AND FALLING APART AND RUSTED AND METAL FATIGUED NUCLEAR REACTOR NOT VERY FAR FROM THE CAPITAL CITY AT WHITESHELL NUCLEAR LABORATIES FACILTY AND PINAWA NUCLEAR POWER PLANT WHICH ARE BOTH FILLED WITH THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF LEAKING BARRELS OF TOXIC DEADLY RADIATION AND DEADLY AND TOXIC CANCER CAUSING RADIACTIVE NUCLEAR RADIATION WASTE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN DISPOSED OF PROPERLY EVER . ALSO MANITOBA HAS BEEN THE DEADLY TOXIC CARCINOGENIC MALITHION SPRAYING GUINEA PIG TESTING GROUNDS AND GOVERNMENT IMPLIMENTED PROGRAM FOR THE PAST 50 YEARS OR SO . WELCOME TO MANISNOWBA . IF YOUR NOT SICK FROM ALL THE DEADLY EXPERIMENTAL TOXINS YOUR TURN IS COMING SOONER THAN YOU CAN SAY WINNIPEG MANITOBA . THIS IS NO JOKE . PEOPLE ARE GETTING SICKNESSES AND DEADLY DISEASES AT AN INCREDIBLE ALARMING RATE . IT SEEMS EVERYONE IS ALWAYS SICK WITH A NUMBER OF AILMENTS AND SERIOUSLY TERMINAL CONDITIONS HERE MORE THAN ANY PLACE ON THIS PLANET . WELCOME TO MANITOBA . YOUR ONLY A TEST SPECIMAN FOR THE GOVERNMENT LIVING HERE . SMOKE CIGARRETTES DRINK LOTS OF BOOZE SO YOU CAN BE LIKE A PICKLED JAR WHEN YOU SECUMB TOO LIVING IN MANISNOWTOBOGAN . ENJOY THE RESERVE STYLE LIVING IN THIS LOW BUDGET MAJORLY WELFARE CAPITAL OF THE PLANET . ENJOY YOUR WELFARE AND BEERS AND YOUR FREE WELFARE SMELLY CIGARS AND CHEWING TOBACCO WITH EXTRA NICOTINE AND ENJOY YOUR 7-11 COLD JAVA STRONG COFFEE WITH EXTRA CAFFIENNE . ENJOY YOUR SNOWSHOES AND CROSS COUNTRY SKIS IN FROZEN SOLID ICEICLE FROZEN TUNDRA SOLID ICE FEILDS IN MANITOBA . NOW YOUR BRAINS ARE FROZEN SOLID AND NUMB SO YOU CANNNNT THINK OF HOW TERRIBLE MANITOBA REALLY IS . ENJOY THE EARMUFFS AND THE MUKLUKS AND THE TOBOGGANS AND TOUQUES AND YOUR SKATES IN YOUR LEAST FAVORITE CITY ON THIS PLANET . ENJOY MANITOBA . LIVE TO DREAM TO MOVE OUTTA THIS FUCKER AS SOON AS YOU CAN SAY WINNISLED MANISNOWMOBILE . ENJOY THE ARCTIC ICE FIELDS AND THE NEGATIVE MINUS -70 BELOW ZERO WINDCHILLZ AND ICE PELLETS FALLING DOWN ON YOUR FROZEN FROST BITTEN NOGGIN NAMELY ON THE NORTH POLE . ENJOY THE TEA KETTLE FUCKER USELESS HOLE FROM HELL . ENJOY THE 105 KILOMETER NORTH WINDS PLUS WINDCHILLS ALL YEAR LONG . THE SOONER YOU LEAVE THIS BASTARD HOLE THE BETTER LIFE GETS IN A REAL HURRY . MANISNOWBA . ESTABLISHED IN 1870 . WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCKING SHIT ANYWAYS THIS PLACE IS NOTHING BUT A ROYAL ASS PAIN . ITS TIME FOR A ONE WAY PERMANENT VACATION 4000 MILES AWAY FROM HERE . LOL ENJOY IT IN YOUR DREAMS ——————————MANITOBA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. As much as I am allergic to block-caps this was a fascinating read. Thank you for taking the time to write in.

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