#173 – Refu-Jesus Christ, Part 4 – A Mounting Problem

The RCMP is goddamn useless. This is a common theme on this thing and there’s a good reason for it. The RCMP has proudly failed to resolve cases involving missing and murdered Indigenous women. They failed during the shooting in Ottawa – and then tried to rewrite history to make themselves look less ridiculous. They enjoy putting on potentially PTSD-inducing spectacles at events that are billed as being for tourists and families. They fucking murdered puppies, for Christ sakes! If these chest-pounding idiots were capable they’d be terrifying; as it is, their make-believe Canadiana schlock and piss-poor policing is a combination of gratingly moronic and almost spitefully hilarious.

The RCMP is a timeless source for me because it fails regularly and reliably. It’s practically the only reliable thing about this place save for the turgid state of Soviet decay that permeates the country like a steaming stack of turds on a bedsheet. Sure enough, after a brief departure to make fun of some other points of this, a country whose Internet is shittier than Mongolia’s and whose national culture is consumptive fantasy, we return again to the RCMP.

And what are the Arses up to these days? How about not communicating with other departments! Or neglecting to update databases such that caker criminals could elude their criminal records for two years or more? Not enough for you? How about the RCMP missing the fact that 50 people used the same address at overlapping times for their citizenship documents – and it worked for seven of them? Like I said before – these fuckers fail like hurricane shelters made of Styrofoam. And this is on top of the pervasive problem that the Mounties have with low-level corruption and commissioner Bob Paulson still being in charge of the force despite being in charge as the Dudley Do-Wrongs got dinged with labor code violation…after three Mounties died.

Oh, you miserable bastards. Welcome back to Shit About Canada. We missed you.

(s) I missed writing about you like you miss criminals

We have Michael Ferguson at the Office of the Auditor General to thank for this iteration of the Mountie Stomp. The connection to the Potemkin Refugees is through the agencies that the RCMP is failing to work with – agencies that recently had to coordinate amongst one another so as to deal with the intake. The RCMP and Citizenship and Immigration Canada are uncoordinated and failing to properly address fraudulent citizenship applications. Presumably the Syrians would like to get their caker-papers (though I have no idea why), and to do so they’re going to go through a system that doesn’t work. Amazing!

Now, there’s plenty of poo to fling there, and the RCMP isn’t alone on the firing line. There’s the Canadian Security Intelligence Service and Citizenship and Immigration Canada on the line too! The RCMP gets to eat a faceful of cowpie for their assertion that they and CSIS could handle the refugee intake only to then almost immediately be demonstrated shitting the bed on a related file (i.e.: this one). Their contributions to the Syrian refugee intake were decidedly hit-and-miss, and it’s not like CSIS is terribly skilled either. Yeah, guys – if you get caught while pulling Cold War-era tactics and can’t figure out when you should destroy critical documentation your institution may not be the most skilled. Two groups known for not following documentation policy are hardly compelling evidence for the two working even remotely competently together.

So to recap – the citizenship system is fucked and isn’t getting information, the RCMP is as useful as it always is, CSIS is allergic to keeping information and still lives in the world of Get Smart, Canada Border Services Agency isn’t getting information to such a pitifully comical degree that a 29-year old was able to play high-school basketball for over half of the school year before anyone (read: AmeriKKKa) noticed, and we’re supposed to trust this lot with screening 25,000 people from a warzone in neither official language. It’s a good thing Canada doesn’t matter because avoiding these folks sounds as easy as wearing a disguise out of Boris Badenov’s playbook.

And why did I specifically attack the RCMP when the Carnival of Mystery Migration has so many other attractions? Because fuck ’em, that’s why.



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