We Now Return to Shit (About Canada)

You morons.

You fell for it.

You elected a child. You chose poorly. See, here’s the thing – voting Red Guy doesn’t fix your looming disaster. Your cities are littered with depth charges. Your territorial claims are littered with starvation and ruin. Your Mr. Grey in his Red Satin Fuckroom beckoned you back, and you obeyed. You agreed to a sensual, flashy sexual pounding by the sweating, putrid cocks of Canada’s business class. As we speak Canada bends over for another round willingly, joyously. You fucking cowards accepted a new collar without a second thought.

And it’s held by a child at the other end. Said child and his grotesque political machine, the monstrous abomination whose only difference from the legendary Tammany Hall is that the Liberals don’t bother giving you a turkey before destroying your life with patronage, are your chosen moderators for the next four years. Four years in which houses that are 33% overvalued in some places have to experience correction, in which Canada is caught in a fiscal debt-vice wherein the country can neither raise interest rates nor tolerate any hike to unemployment because consumer debt towers over yearly GDP. You chose the child to govern you through a minefield.

Right. And that’s why this fucker is coming back. Cataloging failure was a project of interest and disgust before, like digging through a molding pumpkin. I lived through and saw the first batch of Liberal corruption under Martin and Cretin; now you’ve asked me to replay those tapes but with a knuckle-dragger doing the Canada-dance. You’re asking me to watch Justin “stand up to” Putin in a move that I assume will see Trudeau crumble to dust under the glare of a Slav who has no problem being upfront and murdering his opponents instead of sissy-slap fights over who loves Canada more.

Think about that, Canada. You’ve asked me to enjoy watching this fuck-up fuck up again. You want me to clap for more mystery slush money, more nondescript growth, more toxic Laurentide egoism – but this time performed by a clown? Fuck you, Canada. I’ll do it, but I’ll do it for the wrong reasons. Education is a form of spite; what was once genuine inquiry and revulsion with what lay under the mossy Canadian rock has in this moment become something more. You miserable colonial twats crossed a retard Rubicon. Clearly, you need more information about this Belarus-gone-Bust.

What you need is this friendly list of reasons why Canada is full of shit. One of my good friends teaches with spite apparent, and it’s amazing to watch caker slime deal with the David Price fastball approach to Canadian revisionism. By deal with, I of course mean cry and whimper. This thing has a surprising number of viewers, and I’m fielding inquiries about what’s going on like I have some sort of training in this field or something. By myself I can’t affect change in Canada – but I can sure as shit log her failures for someone else to discover.

Welcome back, friends, to the new and improved gloves-off Shit About Canada. With a child in charge, I have enough content for miserable years to come. Welcome back to the nasty carnival of shittery that is Canada. Watching a country’s collapse into anocracy is going to be fun.

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