#128 – Johnny Macdingus’ All-Canadian Legacy, Part Four: Dynasties in Canada

English Canada’s Stephen Harper (because English Canada is what brought us Steve and what maintains the Steve) has lost two of his Politburo – John Baird, who broke cool-down laws by joining Barrick Gold two months after he was busy trying to use the Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade and Sempai Notice Me to push Barrick’s rapey, stabby business model through Central and South America, and Peter Mackay. And so marks another rung in the Mackay dynasty’s political crown.

But what of Pete and why? His dynastic riding, once held by his father Elmer Mackay (whose best trait was his ability to stay mired in the same muck as people like the disturbing Karlheinz Schreiber) is one of many, many, many political positions in Canada where patronage becomes a family business. Like the remains of Chilliwack – Fraser Valley, which went from Chuck Strahl to Mark Strahl, Underwhogivesafuck of Indian Affairs or Whatever They’re Calling Themselves This Week.

Entire provinces can be likewise transferred from father to son, like Prince Edward Island’s Ghiz family. After a 14-year interregnum, the son Robert Ghiz took up the Premier’s scepter from Joe Ghiz. Various Cabinet posts can likewise make the genetic hop, as Paul Martin Sr. and Paul Martin Jr. learned when the two of them held a collection of four Cabinet posts (including my favorite, Minister Without Portfolio). Degenerate bag of subhuman filth John Macdonald helped to create crotchspawn named Hugh Macdonald, who took over as Premier of Manitoba and proved his family mettle by failing in less than a year. In Ontario, Dalton Sr., Dalton Jr., and Dave McGuinty all got their asses in Queen’s Park’s chair for Ottawa South. From the Nixons Harry and Robert in Ontario to the brothers McLeod in the Northwest Territories, political dynasties are the norm in Canada.

And that’s a real fucking problem. I mean, look at this lot of losers. The Elder Jizz in PEI was responsible for taking a $300 million bribe for highway construction (read: losing shit-tons of money to private contractors) in exchange for abandoning its train system. Elmer Mackay hung out with his friend Karlheinz Schreiber and managed to not be dinged for corruption, a testament I believe about as much as I can throw it underwater. I mean, look at this lot of failures – these are the people you want to run your country? A bunch of quasi-aristocrats rolling in family money and suffering no ill-consequences to the horrible decisions and terrible management of their forefathers and relations despite demonstrating nothing even close to a difference between themselves and their ancestors?

Forget rotton boroughs or the American problem of low rates of election losses in the House of Representatives. This is a much worse problem – to be simple about it, political families are free to weave themselves into business (as the Fords did in Toronto) and act on their family’s power rather than their own skills. The result is a bunch of idiot wankers too entitled to know that they’re useless and too connected to ever be replaced. And if they are, don’t worry – someone in the private sektor has a sinecure for them!

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