#120 – Canadian Storytime, Part Five: How Canada Started Apartheid

English Canadians don’t learn shit about Apartheid, save perhaps for some stuff about Nelson Mandela. They may even hear about Canada’s valorous fight against South Africa’s Apartheid system, a topic of such magnificent and awesome Canadian power that I dare not write of it yet. But few learn about how Canada inspired Apartheid in South Africa.

Do you remember a dude named Daniel Malan? Of course not – you were educated in English Canada. Danny and Johnny would have gotten on famously though – both worried to no end about “racial purity”, both ran on the topic in elections and won and both almost immediately implemented their segregationist laws upon getting the electoral nod. But, unlike South Africa which has owned up to this horrible moment in its history and corrected it, Canada has yet to bother. Dealing with Canada’s Apartheid is less important than supporting Canada’s unproductive, Luddite, whingy-dickhat manufacturers and other businessfolk!

For Canadians who doubt that their state is an Apartheid one – when’s the last time you heard an Indian tongue on national television? And don’t give me the “they’re already dead” gambit. The Inuit use their own tongue, and the South never hears it. No music, no translated broadcasts. Nothing. How about Cree, a language taught to white people in universities but totally without air-time on the CBC? Fuck – when was the last time you went to a reserve for business that wasn’t buying illegal smokes? What’s that? Never? Well, there’s your god-damn answer for you. Apartheid, de facto and de jure, are both evils beyond measure.

So the law written expressly to destroy First Nations’ cultures is still on the books and it is largely keeping them apart from us. Malan noticed Canada for this and adopted parts of the Indian Act into his own Apartheid system. Yes – Canada is implicated in the creation of Apartheid in South Africa. Canadian-inspired Apartheid continues in Canada, with poor access to services and the justice system. This alarm has been sounded for years about this topic and what few metrics Canada bothers to collect (because Canada, like Scientology, is notoriously data-shy) all point to this being a problem. It has been here for over a century – more time than Apartheid stood in South Africa – and the figures of resistance we have here are villified like Mandela.

But Canada fought against South Africa’s Apartheid system through a series of sanctions and shunnings from global sporting events so Canada is amazing you guys!. And South Africa’s Apartheid system fell because we cut them away from our hockeymans events and we didn’t buy their natural resources. Do you think that means that if the world wised up and quarantined Canada this putrid sidewalk abortion of a country would grow up? Or would Canada just accuse the rest of the world of not “getting it”, like it usually does.

What a piece of shit Canada is.

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