#117 – What in the World is: the International Investors’ Program?

English Canada doesn’t know much about this program, effectively a means to purchase unfettered Canadian citizenship rather than immigrating the lame, easy way.

It went nearly unchanged from 1986 to 2010, which made buying Canadian citizenship one of the cheapest ways for “legitimate businesspeople” to get out of Shitholistan and to bring “high-value” investment to Canada. To even think of being eligible, you needed $1.6m in the bank and you had to be ready to part with a measly $800,000 – as an interest-free loan to the government. Chump-change, am I right? Small wonder it was closed down in 2014 for what the Harper government referred to as rampant fraud and for bringing in people who did nothing for the country.

Which means, of course, that the program has been started up again! And it now has a provision demanding that the millionaires who come to buy Canadian citizenship are educated this time! Unless you have more than $50 million, in which case Canada knows that you’re super-smart and will practically shit jobs on the sidewalks on which you tread. Nothing provides jobs like dumping millions into the federal government’s personal hedge fund after a “rigorous” check that you got your money legally.

Hey, here’s a thought – if you’ve got shit-tons of money, you can likely buy whatever proof you need. Banks and other “financial service providers” are of course well-known for their honesty and forthcoming nature. Does Canada really think that ne’er-do-wells hand out business cards reading “Snideley H. Whiplash: Corrupt Drug Lord”? Then again, the government really doesn’t know jingling shit – their backgrounder page on the program hasn’t been updated in months. But who needs to know things about a government program, right? How silly of me. It works because Canada! For a population seemingly constantly on-edge about who’s “worthy” of Canadian citizenship, this little gem of a program (which last time brought in people who paid little tax – less than refugees did, at least – and generally used Canada as a safe-haven to dump money) is practically invisible.

With refugees shouldering more of Canada’s tax burden after five years than 69% of these wonderful, pay-to-play Canadians, obviously the federal government didn’t bother tracking any of the new money. Or the new people – only a small number even stayed in Canada, using the beloved red-and-white as a means to escape to somewhere decent. And while I don’t blame the scummy rodent-like businesspeople who took advantage of Canada (fuck – given the choice between Shitlickstan and Somewhere Else, I know what I’m taking), I am impressed that such a useless program has been knocked out almost 25 years after formation and replaced with another one so soon.

After all, if we don’t keep importing millionaires, who the fuck is going to buy the condos in Vancouver and Toront-oh. They’re also using the red-and-white as citizenship of convenience. Only Canada can take a bad program that doesn’t work, duct-tape some language and education requirements on there to detract the only slightly-rich, and throw it back on the road again just like that.

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