#76 – Crime Ministers, Part One Bee: The People v. Johnny Macdoofus

The case of We v. Johnny Macdoofus will be read today. The charge is “Inciting genocide”. How does Canada plead on behalf of Johnny Macdoofus?

“Not guilty! Well, kinda guilty! Don’t think about it!”

Exhibit A

John Macdonald, on the eve of the largest mass execution in Canadian history (of eight Cree for “treason”), did you not say in a letter to the Commissioner of Indian Affairs, “the executions of the Indians ought to convince the Red Man that the White Man governs”? Canada, do you remember the Frog Lake massacre and what it meant as regards Cree respect for Canadian sovereignty? You generally don’t force people off of what you identify as your land if you accept the overarching government of the people you’re forcing out. Do you understand that hanging eight Cree for a charge that is disproven in the very crime that you’re accusing them of is probably a failure on your part? Was the hanging to “convince the Red Man that the White Man governs” more than it was an example of the legal system functioning in a logical way?

Oh, and Johnny – the adamant demand that Canada be an Aryan nation is probably awkward. Fearing for “the Aryan character of the future of British America” is probably a bit too Hitlerian to score you any sympathy. Just sayin’.

Exhibit B

Boasting about how you were keeping indigenous populations near starvation when questioned about expenses. That was, of course, after you made receiving food rations (which typically rotted anyways) contingent on moving to a reservation where, of course, the Indian Act and its governing policies were designed to “kill the Indian but spare the man”. Withholding rations, sequestering a population, and then maintaining said system as a cost savings measure is probably more than a little dishonest. Seeing as how that then leads to taking children away to schools where horrific crimes against children were practically scheduled, that may not have been a good call.

Canada’s defense:

“Is it really genocide? Sir John talked to the Indians. He didn’t want to kill them – he just wanted to take everything that they cared about and toss it aside. That’s not genocide!”

“We need to stop apologizing for what happened a whole hundred of years ago and focus on the now, where the problems are drug abuse and mismanagement of funds.”

You have to remember all those things that Sir John (I get it, cumdonkey – I skip it for a reason) did for Canada! Like the train and something something spirit and heart and determination to build a nation and to stop the AMERIKKKANS from ruling over Canada’s awesomeness and thus ruining it with their icky cooties!”

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