#64 – Tim Horton’s Brown Sludge Water™, Part Five: Abuse? More like Profits!

Tim Hortons is a shit place to work, and the cakers who purchase Tim Hortons franchises are actively engaged in the wretched trade of using foreigners to perpetuate bullshit Canadiana narratives. It is truly a sign of how few fucks cakers give for their “diverse” neighbors that these wretched businesses are allowed to get away with treating their workers like complete toss.

To give you an idea of how bad this is gonna get, I’m going to pull out this story about how franchise owners repeatedly asked for Mexican hostages temporary foreign workers, and when said Mexicans rightly complained about the retarded rule of the pettiest of despots, some caker named Tony Van Den Bosch, said Mexicans were subsequently deported. And there are more than a few tyrannical dipshits treating foreign workers like shit. This first paragraph has been about foreign workers because foreigners are the only people who will work these trash jobs unless the poverty of the place is so extreme that domestics will take such lowly jobs. The picture below is of Pierre Pelletier. Just look at this fucknut.

This is the face of Canadian business.

Let’s list some of the miserable possibilities available to the poor schmuck who has been either reduced or seduced into working at these miserable factories of sadness. After dumping your resume in at your local Tims you can look forward to the awesome prospect of getting your junk roasted by a shattering coffeepot. Speaking of gonads, a Timslave can also enjoy the incredible bevy of disgusting fluids, behaviors, and abuses of the average caker scumbag. And don’t even think about collecting tips, an already-sad act of desperation that signals for all to see the immutable cruelty of the despotic shitlicks who purchase and operate your average house of sludge. Looking to leave after your shift is over? Basic human dignity ain’t what you signed up for, pleb! Enjoy working for free!

Such enviable working conditions are of course why the only people who work these jobs are the foreigners who have been duped into coming here. Such an unmitigated cruelty surely has no place in Canada’s utopia of multicultural bliss, right? Surely the wise, honest Canadians would resoundingly tell this corporate behemoth that it would have to improve working conditions to a point where Tim’s isn’t basically hell on earth to work at if it wanted to employ people. Already sick of decaying quality and rising prices, one would expect Canadians to finally send this antiquated, feeble corpse of a business to its grave for its poor labor practices.

Nope! Tim Hortons’ parent company is doing fine despite Tims being washed up and unable to expand beyond the caker frontier. The company even went so far as to stamp their feet and jack the cost of their awful breakfast “sandwiches” when Ontario raised minimum wage in a futile attempt to address the runaway cost of living in that province. Apparently the people I’m supposed to feel for in this context, at least as far as the Canadian Federation of Independent Businesses (which is a fucking lark – in what universe is Tim’s an “independent” business?), are those poor franchisees who were forced to pay their people. Yes, the raise was too much for Tim Hortons’ shitty franchisees, who cut paltry benefits like any good caker business would when forced to acknowledge rising costs and inferior product. Why address the quality problem when your margins are shrinking when you can shaft other people, right?

The circle of caker business that ultimately serves to shit on the common man finds its full apotheosis as Tim Hortons heirs, a bunch of worthless cakers who fled to Florida to enjoy the superior American culture forced their wage slaves valued employees sign forms effectively decrying the wage increase. Surprisingly, cakers opted to protest this behavior, threatening to boycott shit food that they would already have run out of town if they had any taste. And in classic caker style, the parent company’s response to this childish behavior is to complain while doing nothing about it. Passing the buck while people suffer is a Canadian tradition, just like disgusting sock-water!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s