#64 – Tim Horton’s Brown Sludge Water™, Part Five: Abuse? More like Profits!

English Canadians don’t care about labor.

Degenerate swill salesman and Tim Hortons’ CEO Marc Caira complained in 2014 that increasing oversight of the Temporary Foreign Workers program could result in such inconceivable and unfathomable sufferings as not having a serving of Tim Horton’s Brown Sludge Water™ delivered to your facehole in time and staffing cuts. How this is a threat considering that even getting the order correct results in a disappointing “experience” and staffing is already pared to the bone to squeeze every penny out of the consumer eludes me, but here is Marc Caira telling us that Canada’s labor market needs “flexibility” or else “Canadian workers will suffer too!”

The Temporary Foreign Worker program that Mr. Caira is praying to keep as unregulated as possible is one in which migrants are frequently abused by franchise owners. Reports of illegal wages and desperate living conditions, the use of intimidation and fear to crush dissent and legitimate concerns like rampant racism came from this incredibly genius program, which was also warped far beyond its initial purpose. Never mind that the point of this program was to grab people who are truly uniquely skilled and provide them with a legal means to work for a short period of time in Canada – Tim Hortons and useless English Canadian businesses know best because they’re Canadian! Well, Brazilian now, but they put maple leaves everywhere so close enough.

Slamming the desperately poor into food-assembly-lines for scant pay and then deporting them when they dare to speak up is obviously a horrific state of affairs. That the jobs aren’t staffed by English Canadians is a sign that your pay is shit and your company sucks to work for. Simply importing readily-abused migrants like the United Arab Emirates does solves nothing about the real problem behind your supposed struggles – you’re a shit company offering shit pay and shit working conditions while expecting people to fap over how great you are – but it does line pockets, and English Canadians love providing unneeded advantages to scumbags.

Tim Hortons’ hides from this by way of franchise. No way would Tim Hortons do anything so evil! It’s the franchisers who deserve the blame; therefore, King Tim is free to shill Tim Horton’s Brown Sludge Water™ to the masses! Never mind that franchisees should probably be evaluated before you throw your name on a business they plan to run – it’s Tim Hortons, you guys! They can do no wrong! We should feel for those poor owners who now just have to fire English Canadian labor because reasons.

Strangely, abusive labor practices and chronic concern for the bottom line beyond all else (including the very viability of the business) fail to show up in the mystique of Tim Hortons. Is it possible that Canada’s Brown Sludge Water™ distributor par excellence isn’t all toques and Timbits Hockey? Golly. What a shock.


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