We return to O Canada and why it is a piddling middling case study for the mediocrity of English Canada. It is important to note that I am not speaking about the French version (which is, of course, the original). I have already sort of voiced the hypocrisy regarding the anthem only being in French and English while talking about those native to Canada, but let me make it plain – this shit is a telling piece of evidence. Back to the shitty lyrics!
Canada pulls a Kennedy in this anthem by asking not once, not twice, but thrice for its people to “stand on guard” for her. What sort of protection Canada expects from a gaggle of underemployed, sort-of-overeducated coffee-slingers just itching for a lifetime of diabetes and feels is a mystery but then again Canada also doesn’t know who is actually commanding it. Declaring a need for personal sacrifice in the name of protecting the state so often and so unsubtly that Kim Jong-un would blush is okay though because Canada!
And then, just to prove that English Canada is a basketcase, they call for God’s help. Rather than actually acknowledging their problems, O Canada suggests that English Canadians pray to the heavens for salvation. But this feels find of petty at this point, so let’s be done with the original and move on the second verse.
O Canada! Beneath thy shining skies
May stalwart sons, and gentle maidens rise,
To keep thee steadfast through the years
From East to Western sea.
Our own beloved native land!
Our True North, strong and free!
You know what? This almost speaks for itself. Stalwarts sons and gentle maidens, eh? Why not gentle sons and stalwart maidens, Canada? East to Western Sea is sort of neat given that Canada doesn’t border any seas. English Canada is so native to Canada that it can’t even figure out the basic geography of the country! We’ve already gone over the true north bit. And for the record, I know that it comes from a Tennyson poem. Frankly, the fact that Canada needs the words of a dude thousands of miles away to describe itself speaks to the primitiveness of the national imagination. The third verse is just banal, so much so that I don’t even really want to talk about it. Something about “please save us” or something. I don’t even care.
Is this a petty chance to deliver some body blows to Canada’s ditty? Perhaps. But what’s behind it is sinister. English Canadians sing without thinking about how little sense their anthem makes. They hold it in the highest regard and refuse to change its obvious, glaring stupidities.
Being proud of stupid isn’t clever – it’s just what English Canada does best.