#59 – Ugh, Canada Part Two: No, Seriously, this Anthem is Dumb

We return to O Canada and why it is a piddling middling case study for the mediocrity of English Canada. It is important to note that I am not speaking about the French version (which is, of course, the original). I have already sort of voiced the hypocrisy regarding the anthem only being in French and English while talking about those native to Canada, but let me make it plain – this shit is a telling piece of evidence. Back to the shitty lyrics!

Canada pulls a Kennedy in this anthem by asking not once, not twice, but thrice for its people to “stand on guard” for her. What sort of protection Canada expects from a gaggle of underemployed, sort-of-overeducated coffee-slingers just itching for a lifetime of diabetes and feels is a mystery but then again Canada also doesn’t know who is actually commanding it. Declaring a need for personal sacrifice in the name of protecting the state so often and so unsubtly that Kim Jong-un would blush is okay though because Canada!

And then, just to prove that English Canada is a basketcase, they call for God’s help. Rather than actually acknowledging their problems, O Canada suggests that English Canadians pray to the heavens for salvation. But this feels find of petty at this point, so let’s be done with the original and move on the second verse.

O Canada! Beneath thy shining skies
May stalwart sons, and gentle maidens rise,
To keep thee steadfast through the years
From East to Western sea.
Our own beloved native land!
Our True North, strong and free!

You know what? This almost speaks for itself. Stalwarts sons and gentle maidens, eh? Why not gentle sons and stalwart maidens, Canada? East to Western Sea is sort of neat given that Canada doesn’t border any seas. English Canada is so native to Canada that it can’t even figure out the basic geography of the country! We’ve already gone over the true north bit. And for the record, I know that it comes from a Tennyson poem. Frankly, the fact that Canada needs the words of a dude thousands of miles away to describe itself speaks to the primitiveness of the national imagination. The third verse is just banal, so much so that I don’t even really want to talk about it. Something about “please save us” or something. I don’t even care.

Is this a petty chance to deliver some body blows to Canada’s ditty? Perhaps. But what’s behind it is sinister. English Canadians sing without thinking about how little sense their anthem makes. They hold it in the highest regard and refuse to change its obvious, glaring stupidities.

Being proud of stupid isn’t clever – it’s just what English Canada does best.

2 thoughts on “#59 – Ugh, Canada Part Two: No, Seriously, this Anthem is Dumb”

  1. As a Britwho departed his native English shores for a vast, desolate land that is either boiling to death or buried in snow at subarctic temperatures, I am horrified at the low standards, expectations and CHOSEN living conditions that the locals cherish and take great pride in. Sure there is some beautiful countryside here spoiler only by the building of slum-equivalent cities manufactured out of cardboard and sold for exorbitant amounts of failing Canadian dollars to morons that will not let the redneck pioneering spirit of half-arsed efforts die to enable them to move on (or attempt to at least) to an enriched life.

    When I first heard the Canadian anthem (at a hockey game where the spectators spent more time aimless wondering around, meeting up with friends and going back and forth to the umpteen different fast food chains selling meals unfit for human consumption and beer that was flat….than paying attention to what the kids were doing on the ice) yes the anthem….. I laughed uncontrollably! What a load of tosh! I don’t think the American accent helped but for over a year I was convinced that the lyrics were “we stand on God for thee”. I think it works better than the real lyrics though as the attitude seems to be I don’t give a f@@@, as long as I can rip up the countryside in my truck, bike, skidoo and shoot sh1t for no reason.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Martin!

      Thanks for commenting. You’re going to put me to shame with beautiful phrases like “vast, desolate land that is either boiling to death or buried in snow at subarctic temperatures, I am horrified at the low standards, expectations and CHOSEN living conditions that the locals cherish and take great pride in”, but hey – more evidence and more stories are always welcome.

      Would you be interested in writing a bit to warn the other denizens of Albion to avoid this Soviet bog of a pseudocountry? I’d be honored to host your story!

      Thanks for reading – Merry Christmas to you and yours!


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