#56 – Nigh-Lingualism

Wait a minute, I hear you say. Why the hell am I digging into English Canada’s inability to speak two languages when cakers seem barely capable of speaking one language? The answer to that is twofold: first, cakers refusing to learn speaks volumes to the reactionary culture of this Soviet heap, and second, there is a hypocrisy to cakers claiming French-Canadian cultural traits under the name of “Canada” while simultaneously refusing to do the absolute basics for trying to actually have any kind of meaningful cultural interchange. Where the French seem more than capable of figuring out the English language, cakers respond to the need for French by being their usual shitty, bratty selves.

For almost fifty years, the rate of French/English bilingualism has stayed at about 17%. Now that’s shameless, especially considering that this lack of literacy is apparently holding cakers back and helps to establish the kinds of political cadres that give us people like Prince Selfie. Two major problems could be solved just by actually giving a shit about a language that is an integral part of the actual, lived experiences of this landmass. But nah – let’s not try and improve ourselves because that would be hard and blaming the Quebecois for daring to not be as bland and useless as English Canadians is so much easier than acknowledging the development of a de-facto political class walled off by two languages!

(S) Problem solved!

Speaking of learning multiple languages, can we discuss how fucking beneficial it is to speak more than one language? Monolingualism is a straitjacket! English might be an important language, but the presence of both English and French in one national entity ought to make Canadians that much more capable to resolve differences and deal with the shifts in fundamental worldview associated with having a different mother tongue. And the more people who can attain this, the more likely it is that this country could actually start to take some kind of coherent national form. The same is true of Indigenous languages. Perhaps there could be some kind of reconciliation if English Canada at least pretended to care enough about the other aspects of Canada that they deigned to teach other languages property. We’ll be talking about this problem as it applies to Indigenous tongues later.

I would love to collect stories about French-language education in English Canada. Please leave a comment below about how English Canada attempted to teach you French. Highlights of my education included watching VHS tapes of English films with French subtitles and endless photocopied conjugation charts. And I know I’m not alone in taking issue with my slip-shod French education. Here’s a piece from the Tyee about people who take much more intensive French language education in English Canada…and still can’t speak the language. It’s not like teachers are any better. Despite rising demand, the quality of French-language instructors in English Canada is often wanting. What’s even more alarming about this that there is a class element to training in bilingualism in public schools, with richer parents putting their kids into French schooling in hopes that they might break through the de-facto bilingual barrier to political advancement. What’s that? You’d like perspectives from people who didn’t grow up loaded in caker Disneyland running your government? Eat shit, man!

Official bilingualism in this country seems to exist for two reasons: to protect the ultra-rich children of douchey cakers from any kind of meaningful competition in terms of political work prospects, and to provide English Canada with yet another annoying-ass thing to bitch about. Because if you can’t be assed to learn one language properly you sure as shit won’t bother to learn two!


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