#53 – The Triptych of Death, Part Two: Dying With(out) Dignity, a Canadian Tradition

English Canada doesn’t even know how to die properly.

Elder care in Canada is shit. Forget Indian and Inuit elders like the ones who root through the garbage dump at Rankin Inlet looking for food. We’re talking Granny and Grandpa of lily-white complexion, making cookies and telling stories about eating shoes during the War kind of elders. Even the kind of old people that English Canada should be all over taking care of don’t even get the attention they deserve or indeed are desperately in need of.

The reality of English Canada’s elder care system is that it is blithely walking into a demographic minefield. Incredibly and despite being so polite that time itself feels for them, even Canadians age. It goes without saying, then, that a large collection of people born around the same time will likely require similar age-related services at around the same time. Of course, this should go without saying but doesn’t because this is Canada we’re talking about here. In Canada, the healthcare system and the kindness of the environment are supposed to prevent aging!

So, what sort of services does Canada have waiting for its old people, all those Agneses and Opals and Lloyds sitting in their houses after lifetimes of working? Why, a remaining lifetime’s worth of confinement at an old-folks home, of course! How do you pay for this incredible service offering up at least 1500 confirmed cases of abuse in just one year, you ask? Fuck you, that’s not Canada’s problem! It may cost a staggering shit-ton of dollars, but what are you gonna do? Are you gonna beat the shit out of Granny yourself, punk?

And what if Grandpa has a nasty condition to worry about? In that case, Canada’s old age system has a treat for you – bedsores! Because really, fuck it – who would take care of a human being who can’t do something on their own, am I right? The Canadian private sector’s usual exceptional job at providing only the stinkingest of bullshit at only the most obscene prices is in full effect with senior care, which is such a big deal to Canada’s aging baby-boomer demographic that they proceed to absolutely not care about the fact that Canada doesn’t have a plan for the mass retirement and aging of the largest generation in Canada’s history in favor of getting old and doing nothing. Outside of the occasional rage-filled article, Canada remains totally sans plans for the tsunami of bluehairs to come.

After all, the most Canadian of plans is to not plan, right?

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