#23 – The Job Genie, Part One

Cakers have a strange love for the concept of job creation through corporate subsidy. This is despite the small problem that caker business is the rule of the day in Canada. Caker business is my term and tag for the oligarchs that dominate Canada’s economic landscape. Caker business comes with caker business practices – idiotic anti-labor practices, begging for subsidy as opposed to developing better product, aiming for consumptive Canadiana, the whole works. Rather than retool, caker business believes in rebranding and cuts to quality and labor force. Innovation? Fuck that! The Job Genie is only amused by tax cuts and corporate welfare. Improvement, forethought, planning, competition, quality, fairness, recognition of the importance of labor, and modernity are all sure to inspire the Wrath of the Job Genie.

The Job Genie is quite kind to the kinds of shitty, thoughtless design choices Canadians love. When a caker business wants to do something that is ultimately stupid or a caker political figure wants to stay in office the Job Genie’s is the lamp they rub. Why build a poorly-designed and badly-made big-box monstrosity? JOBS! Sprawl? Car dependence? Low-wage, insecure labor? Fuck it – JOBS! Municipal governments eat that shit up. And of course Mitch Goldhar‘s staff just knows that nothing stands between Mitch and pick-up hockey, except maybe for the stressful drive on a crowded road passing by empty miles of parking lagoons and boredom. Wonder why that is? Nicer buildings and better working opportunities are for losers – the Canadian way is the slap-dash path to JOBS.

The flipside of this equation, the aforementioned Wrath of the Job Genie is reserved for people who want better and want to live better. Do you think that workers should be paid enough to live in a country where food and housing prices are subject to rapid, unchecked inflation? Fuck you, job-killing swine! The Job Genie surely shall zap you into your menial shit-work place for such heresy. Does the public pension system and its awesome ability to give old folks who can’t work anymore a dignified remainder of their existence appeal to you? Well it better not because you just Hitler’d jobs, chump! And don’t even think about environmental protection, you Stalinesque moustache-twirling skank.

(s) Stalin’s hideous treatment of labor does Canada proud

The Job Genie stands in for doing the brainwork and discovering the horrible truth that Canada’s economic growth is built on the same logic that it was when Canada was just a genocidal twinkle in European eyes – extraction, exploitation, and aristocracy. Just as the old mining towns and single-industry communities weren’t and aren’t kind to their laborers so too does the Canadian economy continue to maintain a cut-corner understanding of how business is supposed to work. Longevity is for chumps – extracting money from morons is the way of the caker game. This preoccupation with profit over long-term investment reflects Canada’s colonial mentality – as in the past the idea is to get big and extract as much as possible without regard to the effects said has in the present of looming effects coming in the future.

The wisdom of treating jobs as a barometer of successful policy is just the latest permutation of shortsighted caker business practices. The Job Genie Canadians have invented to justify this policy has no understanding of the future and doesn’t have to actually live in and amongst economic activity. In an oligarchic economy built on immediate-term, sell-it-all, slash-and-burn business practices the last thing we need to do is invent a totemic way to justify idiocy. The Job Genie is just that totem – big, ponderous, thoughtless, and built on “common sense” as opposed to empirical observation, the Job Genie is Canada’s special way of ensuring that it and its labor markets will continue to suck long into the future.


2 thoughts on “#23 – The Job Genie, Part One”

    1. I was actually reading that at work! The Star has a tradition of doing one solid piece of journalism a year, and this year we decided to talk about the ruinously-obsolete labor laws in this shithole province.

      Thanks for sharing, Lee! Always appreciate your insights.


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