#11 – AMERIKKKA, Part Two: A Flagging Grasp of Reality

English Canadians love to make fun of Americans and the pride that they have in their flag. Too bad for cakertown that Canadians are also flag-obsessed. But how can we feign superiority when we act the same way that Americans do? This sounds like a job for every caker’s favorite make-believe, AmeriKKKa!

The American people and their flag represent fundamentally important ideas in Western political thought. There’s a reason other countries (particularly those that were themselves breakaways from colonial empires) mimic the American flag. It stands for something – a concept of liberty and republican government with obvious and massive consequences for our world. The American people fought a brutal Civil War over the meaning of the words symbolized by the American flag. To this day, American schoolchildren recite these words: “I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of American, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all”. Embedded in the flag are the very real aspirations of the American people, aspirations and ideas that have informed people the world over. That’s something to be proud of, I think.

Canadians like to claim that they do something like this too, but in reality the Canadian flag and its supposed ideals – social equality, tolerant societal norms, equal opportunity across the country – were never true and are worked towards only in spurts that quickly decay into atrophy and stupidity. Canada can develop a public healthcare system but it can’t make such a system work effectively and skimps out on minor concerns like pharmaceuticals, mental health, eyecare and dental care where other countries have been able to improve upon their systems. It’s hard to believe in Canada’s commitment to human rights when it so clearly cannot and does not care about rampant poverty and desperation within Canada; where the American flag invites consideration of powerful ideas the Canadian flag is used to wallpaper over problems by proclaiming values that in no way match policy on the ground as national standards.

Here to get the caker’s tiny mind around this obvious problem is AmeriKKKa. Gone is the nuance of American thought. Away with obvious evidence that America has in many ways successfully moved in the direction of its state ideals over the course of history! AmeriKKKa is a cesspit of guns and idjits. Can’t give anyone in that population any sort of literacy or capacity for thought. Without the symbolism of the flag and conjoined with an understanding of AmeriKKKans as some sort of sentient meatloaf-creatures  the admittedly tacky displaying of American flags becomes a hilarious, garish display of mindless idol worship in the ruined third-world disaster zone known as AmeriKKKa.

And then Canadians do the same exact thing and get extraordinarily defensive when it’s pointed out to them. Massive Canadian flags can be seen all over the parking lagoons and gas stations of this paved-over chokeway of a country, but this behavior is totally not at all like when the Americans do the same exact thing. And why isn’t it? The answer typically devolves into either AmeriKKKans r dumm or some sort of claim that Canada is in some more valid in claiming adherence to its stated values. America fought to eradicate slavery; when did Canadians take a stand against the genocidal Indian Act? American companies certainly do a lot of damage to the world; Americans regularly and frequently protest their power as an abomination in the eyes of the ideals of personal freedom. But Barrick Gold ain’t exactly smiles and cuddles. Where is Canada’s outrage towards its own fell companies? Americans hate the power of lobbyists and other shadowy figures; where’s the outrage with Canada’s notorious lax rules? Canada talks a great game, but in reality the goal is always inertia.

Instead of confronting those ideas and noticing that American protestors speak of reclaiming the American experiment from hijackers and wealthy freeloaders while Canadians seem content to justify any failure from any one of Canada’s useless elites, cakers turn to AmeriKKKa and its cartoonized verion of the American people so that Canada’s negligent mediocrity and efforts to pretend to have standards can look more beliveable in their uncritical eyes.

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