If you’re a clever soul in Canada, you’ve heard this or some variation thereof:
You: “Man, [insert problem here] is really getting me down. It’s a bummer that we’re so far behind the rest of the developed world on this matter”
Caker: “What, are you complaining about [insert complaint here]? You should be grateful you don’t live in [insert poor place here]!”
You: “Why can’t we implement a system like this one, which has demonstrably worked in other places?”
Caker: “Yeah, well they probably have AIDS or something. Quit whining – this is as good as it gets, baby!”
These two are the first lines of defense that a caker will give you when you present them with something that sucks in Canada. It doesn’t matter what it is – always the same concept, and always either a comparison against a basketcase of a country or a ridiculous false equivalence against a developed one. Any problem in any country, regardless of whether work is being done to fix the problem is cause to declare that place shit. Canada can’t get train service in its densest area? Well, Spain had a terrorist attack on its high-speed lines once so Canada is more betterer you guys.
These two defenses have always confused me. The logic of jumping a low bar is lost on me – congrats for being better than a country partially occupied by a savage gang of Islamic murderers, I guess? And what of the parts of Canada that are truly hellscapes – the Chemical Valleys, desolate reserves, and decaying one-resource towns that regularly lack services and poison their people? Isn’t it a little awkward to make the claim that you’re better than a shithole only to not be wholly better than the shithole? Does that not bring shame? Of course not – cakers have no shame.
The notion of improvement in Canada is stifled using the second method. It is patently reasonable to expect some sort of accounting for the fact that Canadian food prices are rising in a global context of falling food prices. Why do the French get amazing produce and cheese at reasonable prices? Who cares – the French pay more for soda so ha-ha absurd false equivalence! It doesn’t matter that vege is a bit more fucking important to the human diet than carbonated corn syrup-mix. Clearly Canadians paying a fortune for basic foodstuffs is the same as the French not having access to discount fructose-water.
These two attitudes speak to a reflexive defensiveness in Canada. I can only assume that this is because cakers need to maintain their make-believe for their own sake. To admit that Canada is falling apart is to admit that we need to do things and to make basic changes to the way Canada works. And fuck that noise – that takes work and, even worse, honesty. So Canada keeps paying more and more for shittier and shittier product and it loves doing so. Laziness, whether it be practical or intellectual, is truly a Canadian value. It’s just a pity that said laziness leads predisposes this heap to being such a podunk, second-world hovel of a place.