#1 – Canadians

Canada is a place that most of the world doesn’t think about very much. This fact is probably the most terrifying reality that English Canada can imagine, so Anglo-Canadians try to overdo it with the yokel-but-not-really stereotypes so that they can pretend that the rest of the world cares about them. As can be expected in such a mediocre place, Canadians put on a performance about on par with an 8th-grade recorder concert at one of Canada’s many shitty public schools.

Speaking of schooling, here’s a part of Canadian history that few people remember. In the early days after World War Two, Canada was even more restrictive than it is now. Being white, rich, and a dude wasn’t sufficient to be considered a “respectable human” – you also couldn’t come from icky loser countries like Germany or Italy. The Italians, being a fiery sort who love food immediately took issue with the English-Canadian diet and indeed the Canadian way of life, which they saw as bland, unpalatable, and restrictive. They invented our Vorpal Word with which to cut down the Canadian Jabberwocky, and that word is mangiacake – “cake-eaters”, or cakers. And so the English Canadian was titled “caker”, to distinguish them from Indigenous or Francophone communities.

Cakers love deluding themselves into thinking that working a dull job and living in formless, debt-inducing tract housing tacked to formless, unwalkable cities constitutes “the good life”. In fact, as we’ll see, Canadians and their cities are lifeless and devoid of substance. Canada’s economic realities are oligarchic, her literacy skills frightfully low, and her grievous crimes against humanity unremembered. Canadians have no history and no interest in history – the whole country is a palimpsest, capable of being scratched and rewritten to suit any commercial or civic narrative. Noting real problems results in having concerns ignored, minimized, or reacted to with a profound venom from a people who claim to be decent, intelligent, and humane.

And that, my newfound friends, is reason number one for leaving Canada. There is a soft-repression here caused by the immense defensiveness of a country that considers being chill a national trait, and I won’t have it. In my travels through this collective of suburbs I’ve encoutered others who also hate it here. It’s a wonderful feeling to find a like mind, to let loose without fear of losing friends or opportunities, and I’d like to share that feeling with other Canadians who don’t toe the national line.

I’d also like to provide a counterpoint to the millions of dollars of Canadian propaganda distributed internationally. If even one person from abroad reads these screeds and decides to skip Cakertown the whole project will have been worth it many times over. In the year that this blog has been running I’ve had thousands of views from around the world and it is my fondest hope that people who are questioning this place find footing to base their thoughts on here.

The rules are simple – if it’s shit and it’s in Canada, it’ll end up here. There are no punches pulled, no holds barred, and no excuses accepted. It’s time to stomp some cakers!

Allons-y!

19 thoughts on “#1 – Canadians”

  1. “Noting real problems results in having concerns ignored, minimized, or reacted to with a profound venom from a people who claim to be decent, intelligent, and humane.”

    Yup, that’s exactly what I ran into on the topic of child sexual abuse in Canada.

    There are so many horrific examples backing up Theo Fleury referring to that country as “Disneyland for Pedophiles” – a statement which received the support and agreement of thousands of Canadians. I felt so sad reading a comment by a victim of the frequently convicted-and-released child rapist Peter Whitmore stating “How could my country let this happen to me?” The answer is of course all over your site.

    Because I’ve refused to even set foot in that country for more than five years now, I’m finding it harder to feel the same disgust for the widespread smug hypocrisy that I used to. It’s simply harder to care. Still, although there are of course some truly great and terrific Canadians who don’t deserve to be tarred with too wide a brush, there are also too many Canadians in extreme need of a reality check about their insufferably smug, surprisingly conformist, often less-than-functional, and dumbed-down pseudo-utopia. Though I think you should give more credit whenever credit is due, overall I thank you for your work exhaustively writing out said check (cheque?) from Eh to Zee er Zed or whatever.

    Don’t know if you’d take this as a compliment or not, but by the Cordelia principle, you actually strike me as quite a loyal Canadian!

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    1. Thanks for writing, Disappointed Canadian! That makes two of us for the disappointment catalog. I don’t know if you’ve heard Paul Gilmartin’s interview with Theo Fleury; if you haven’t (and you’re able to tolerate yet more conversation about pedophilia), I highly recommend it. Link below:

      http://mentalpod.com/archives/4147

      As regards giving credit to Canadians I’m still working on a way to do that without deviating from the primary goal of this site, which is to shine light on Canadian failures. There’s a segment that I’ve written before called “Starve the Soul, Feed the Ego” where I talk about great Canadians and how their legacies are downplayed or ignored. That said I’ve left it to lie for a long while as I do research about every province. I will definitely take your criticism on board and I thank you for taking the time to read what I’ve written!

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      1. You should write about Dr. Shiv Chopra and read his book “Corrupt to the Core”, his expose on Health Canada. Canadians love to say their milk supply is better than the USA, and in this case it’s true because of Dr. Chopra’s work–he fought to the death to keep bovine growth hormone out of the milk here. And for this he died still fighting to be reinstated with Health Canada–they fired him and treated him like garbage. He also explains in his book why Canada used to be great–for example, Health Canada in the 1960s was great. Health Canada now appears to be not so great. We got here with complacency. The baby boomers benefited from the desperation of their parents–most of them were children of refugees from Europe who were hell-bent on having a better life after suffering through the hells of Europe. The baby boomers had great lives, and perhaps they both spoiled their children while also failing to instil any values in their children. Wouldn’t you say most Canadians simply seem to have no values? no vision? Look at Vancouver, all the city council people there were more than willing to sell out their own in favour of short term gain. Who cares if their own children or grandchildren won’t be able to have the same quality of life. Isn’t that just incredibly selfish and corrupt? But, encourage people to stand up to their government and they won’t. They think magically their government will wake up and say, “Oh dear lovely, nice Canadian, we are sorry to have so royally screwed you over. We’ll make Vancouver more affordable for you again and take down all those heinous towers.” Canadians can’t even accept that China is making a sport of them because China can’t possibly be smarter than a Canadian.

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  2. Thanks for the Theo Fleury interview link and for considering my criticism but I gave your four case studies a closer read and may retract it. Looking back at past advocacy against child sexual abuse back in Canada, an overly conciliatory approach probably blunted extent of effectiveness. I guess my concern was that being too antagonistic might shut off communication, but then as noted, with too much watering down you can’t light a fire.

    I think it’s possible your site could go mainstream or at least mainstream-ish, so after you finish up the provinces I’m guessing you might make site navigation a bit easier. I take it your running for office isn’t happening, but there should certainly be an interview or two somewhere noticeable about this well-researched go-to reference for ANTI-COMPLACENCY. When that happens, please post! – and keep up the great work.

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    1. I’m definitely looking to make the site easier to navigate. There’s a course on WordPress on Lynda that I’ve been listening to and I hope that it will help me get more organized.

      I appreciate the vote of confidence in this blog! Honestly I have been hugely encouraged by the response; I think there’s a major need for a space where serious criticism of Canada can happen without having to respond to tired apologism again and again.

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  3. Just wondering why you stay in Canada if you hate it. I don’t mean that as the typical defensive Canadian, “so leave then!” Just wondering your reason for staying.

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    1. That’s not a bad question, and the answer revolves around the cost of moving and the difficulties of getting out. I’m trying to survive, learning more hireable skills, and when I’m able to getting hired abroad.

      The goal is absolutely to abandon Canada once I have the kind of resume that gets me out.

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    2. hey if i could renounce and show up to the usa as a refugee, i definitely would. you should look into this more. not that canadians and americans know how their own immigration systems work

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    3. Resources !!! You canatard. With the high taxes and cost of living, those of us in the modest to lower income bracket can’t save enough to leave. The only people that do well in crapada are folks engaged in subsidized agriculture and resource extraction,(explains the high taxes on blue collar workers),. The rest of are stuck here paying for this shit economy that only provides an illusion of competition.

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  4. Keep up the good work exposing the reality of this place. This place is run by banksters & corporate mobsters that don’t care about their own; it is a “as long as it is not me” type of mentality here. Our money is pinned to a ‘scarcity’ mentality, more for me means less for you, means the value of our dollar going up. Our money is not pinned to gold or oil but rather ‘fiat’ money: a promise from the government that money is scarce.

    Keeping Canadians in the dark is only one of the things that this government does. The problems seem endless here. Just because Africa is poor doesn’t mean that it justifies you to be an ahole. Everybody lives in their enclaves and nobody is interacting. This is a wound! Weird backgrounds, names and strange people just another day here in Cakerstan.

    Many of my friends are approaching 30 with nothing to show for but a crummy job and still living with their parents. Shouldn’t work be rewarding?? Instead you are psychiatrist or something. People here are bent on life and are warriors trying to prove points that they should stay out of.

    Last bit here: keep it up! Expose the reality. I can’t stand people who are outside of this country and type in GDP and see we have a high one and this think we’re rich. It is the government mobsters in Ottawa hording all that money! The average GDP per capita among the youth here doesn’t exceed $30, 000/ year. You’re suppose to lick the toes of your employer for anything more than that. Get bent! Please do publish your book in 2020, I can’t wait!

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  5. I couldn’t agree with you more. I am a highly educated person with a degree in Computer Science and a US master degree. I have left this sh*thole for years now. After graduating I spent a year working in GTA (garbage toronto area) . Afterwards I spent 3 years in NYC working, then 1 year in California. I came back, I spent another 2 years in sh*thole Canada then left for Asia 9 years ago. I have spent the last 9 years in Asia working. I am much more relaxed and happier here than I ever was back in Canada. All your points are valid. The main things that get to me are the hypocritical caker mindset, unwilling to acknowledge problems and the cold , subtle racist attitudes of the cakers. The extreme cold weather is another thing that I hate. What country in the world other than Canada or Russia would have ice-storms in April ?? And there is no escape to warmer climates, because there is no place in Canada that is warm either. Anyways , long story short , has much as I hate I may have to return someday because my kids are getting old now and I would like them to get an English curriculum education. I wish I could somehow reside in the US with the kids and family rather than going back to sh*thole Canada but I don’t see how that is possible now.

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  6. Thank you for creating this haven of much needed truth. As a native “Seattleite” who spent 6 unfortunate years in BC before barely escaping back to the US with my life and sanity I really appreciate it. Still recovering the sanity. Keep up the good work!

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  7. I think a good post would be on what they use to sell Canada abroad. I’m very curious about that. Remember too that “back in the day” anyone non-British was seen as “less than” here–Ukrainians, Poles, Jews, etc and etc. I know you talk about Winnipeg but Winnipeg was filled with Eastern Europeans at one point and some of what is good about Canada (for example, the idea of public health care is not a bad idea) came out of those communities fighting for a better life. The problem is that I think it worked. Canadians, for a season, have had a good life–and thus they are now complacent and dull, and drunk with beer. Okay, for those complaining about Canadian weather that is 100% on you–it is the “north” after all. You know, Santa and the North pole and all. It’s like complaining that India is hot.

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    1. The only reason I’m keeping this comment is because this person is either trying to be funny or is a brilliant testament to the idiotic deflections that cakers will make when confronted with reality.

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  8. the blog should speak more about people attitude in Canada. lonliness and isolation

    I met an Eastern European woman in the plane on my way to Canada and she tasked me: Why are you coming to Canada to live out of all the places in the world? I said, why-why not Canada? She replied: it’s a country for old people with slow life rhythm. I wasn’t sure her drives to say such a statement that challenged the perception I had. When I landed here and for the start, I assumed this is the place to be, high rise building, CN tower , and the reputation Canada has internationally in my had before coming here. it didn’t take too long to realize how off the vibe is here, unfortunately for a quite a while, I kept asking myself if I was the problem? why people attitude is not really as friendly they proclaim. is something wrong about me? dating life sucks .. people are frigid cold, everyone sticks to their own group disregard the rest, people are professional with flipping their eyes in streets or turning their head to the side as it’s more interesting which By the way feels uninviting! street life, what street life? people don’t take to each other and in cold months imagine the anti-socialism at it’s best. People hide their racism well. which creates a snobbish bitchy unpleasant vibe all around, then realizing the grave mistake of coming to Ontario … Ontario is not a melting pot. I tried my best to see Ontario in a different eye. Ontario it’s not like the USA and it’s not the Nirvana Canada I assumed in my subconsciousness. Living in Ottawa and Toronto got me realizing how tough to make meaningful connections or simply date and fall in love as any normal person would. The apartment I leased in Toronto had a spectacular view and I used to always bike and am in a great shape handsome and pay my bills, yet was alone! I never understood why? what’s wrong with me? why not even making friendships as it happens organically. I left Ontario cause it felt dead just a place for warm bodies to exist, pay bills and pass each other debts in what’s called ” free markets “. Canada destroyed it’s nationalism in favor of globalism and economic reasons, but Canadians themselves are bland, uninterested, they don’t initiate conversations or simply just be less uptight. Another thing, there are a lot of immigrants from Asia in Canada, it’s unbalanced society demographically, it invites a lot of people without simulating, and give that a fancy term such as Multi-culturisim or Mosaic. yup, it’s a Mosaic wall without pattern or essence, it’s lost.

    I decided to leave to Montreal – Quebec which is a nicer place with more culture obviously but still, something tells me to leave and go somewhere warmer with nicer weather and attitude. I need to undo – delete what I have experienced here up in North. I am looking for the day I settle in in USA or somewhere lovely in Europe or simply back to Istanbul. Americans are more friendly than Canadians. I made more friends in USA than here. I wish If I can speak with those subject openly and find a circle of people who we are determined to leave and go for a better life somewhere else. I would like to chat with the boss of the site. I need to talk to people who want to take their souls somewhere with more excitement, acceptance, and experience what true Friendliness is.

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  9. I married to one and goodness I couldn’t tell you how much I agreed to this website. Maybe I should start a blog on this too. I started noticing something strange with my husband side of family, I think they are pure evil cold hearted racist hypocrite and then after staying here for a few months, I realized hey it is not just my husband family, is Canadian and the government and I added to my list too; cheap, stingy, shrewd, selfish, inhumane, super judgemental, dead, boring, narrow minded, boxy worldview, stupid, rude, oh my goodness the list could goes on. Oh creativity and art is sure not encourage here. That’s why Canada is boring houses looks the same, cars are mostly black and white.
    If I could write how I’ve been treated here from the Canadian and my husband family, all the Kleenex would be gone of course the one who doesn’t are the Canadians. I live in LA, Australia, Europe and Asia, travel all over the world and I have to tell you I never seen racism as bad as in Canada. Even the Canada online immigration system is a real joke! I don’t even want to go there And their passport, my husband was told by few custom in other countries that they had problems with Canada passport, their chip doesn’t work so well. How embarrassing!
    To prove how stupid why would somebody even ask if you are not happy why not leave?! Hello! What a stupid question???!!!! To prove how stupid Canada is just take a look at their PM even the opposition party. Sorry if I offended some Canadian out there, I do meet very few good Canadian out like 2-3 but they all left their country. Those are the wise one indeed!

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  10. And to add to it oh my goodness, what is wrong with the fashion here!!! I guess after coming from L.A it is eye sore to see most “white” here has zero sense of fashion. I have to agree too that Canada is full of selfish cold hearted old people (not counting the immigrants) who anti kids and progress including behind in technology. Canada is definitely not a kids friendly country. Canada is dominate by the old people because they are the one who has the most spending power and these people anti kids so no kids in public places unless your 2 years old behave like a 100 years old.

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  11. Oh last one and food too! What is wrong with people cooking here, so bland, so boring and process. No spices or flavor just salt and pepper. Think about their national food; poutine!!! Lol! I was so excited when my friend told me to try their national food, I thought to myself national food has to be good. I ate one bite, I choked. I said goodbye. Too pathetic. The food represent Canadian very well plain, boring, dull, tasteless, pathetic, same old thing.

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